I am tired of the YIN and YANK of the two. Tired of people from the light side condemning the darkness of their counterparts, because they are always pointing out darkness. Irony alights.

I was reading Covey for a long time until I realized that he was a push guy. I then knew I had no organized theory to help me deal with the dark side of human nature.

Then I came to more deeply appreciate a book loaded with mayhem, murder, incest, rape, lust, pride, drunkenness, deceit, betrayal…and redemption: the Bible.

I now believe daily in the dark side. And its redemption.

I strive to be part of the redemption. But can’t redeem if I don’t go where it’s dark… always striving to pull myself back to the light before all sun is gone. Sometimes with hangers-on.

Rescue party, anyone?

PERPETUAL INVITATION

Pay it forward by sharing an encouraging story or experience. Go to the post below for examples of stories and experiences that have been shared earlier by fellow Bloggers.

http://walkerswalkabout.wordpress.com/2009/12/26/what-i-want-for-christmas-next-year/

Use the questions below as idea-starters:
• Who/What inspired you recently or at some point in your life?
• What small act of courage have you noticed?
• What new activity are you engaged in that is making a positive difference in your life?
• What made you smile today or at some point in your life?
• What good thing or act of thoughtfulness or kindness have you noticed lately?
• Who do you know who is making a difference and how are they doing that?

Here’s what the SMARD economy says:
-Pay as you go.
-Become self-sufficient.
-Retool personally and corporately to produce new and better things.
-Consistently contribute a healthy percentage of your income to just and well-led causes.
-Look around, volunteer and help the less fortunate so that big government has no excuse for not jettisoning the commissar social safety net and small government can actually work.
-Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without (except for bicycles, knives and outdoor equipment).

All the SMARD choices are within individual control. SMARD or STEW-PIT, our choice.

The family is the great and primary building block of spiritual, intelligent life in the universe. The family is the place where we have a marvelous opportunity to get close to other human beings. The place where children obtain roots, but also wings. The place where children train parents to be better people. The great collective enterprise wherein our hearts are knit together by the memories we share. The family is the great safety net. The family is the crucible of perfection. It is the binding mechanism for future and past generations.

Being in a family is not always an easy place to be, but it always a worthwhile place to be.”

I wrote the above as part of a sermon I gave over eight years ago. Today I would have to rewrite it. Given the year I’ve had, family has taken on weighty new dimensions.

The family is what persists. The family continues to rope you in to its circle of safety. There will always be family.

Roles change; the collective continues. Being now a single parent, and, surprisingly, a single grandparent for this branch of the FAM, challenges me and stretches me and shows me things I did not know I had in me.

Always before my wife did the heavy lifting. Now I do the lifting—ounces compared to her pounds, to be sure—but quite the workout. Now I must stand always ready to give emotional support, not part-time before as the backup parental quarterback. Now I must remember birthdays, traditions (and invent new ones), deadlines for taxes and bills. Before she was the ever normal encyclopedia, and could recite name, rank and cereal brand on demand.

Above all I have learned—stop often and take time to take good care of the family, and it will take good care of you.

Whew!

OCD, of course, means Obsessive Compulsive Disorder….defined as a tendency to fixate on doing the same thing in the same way, over and over, even when it is not working reliably (this used to be called superstition, then insanity, then addiction).

Most people talk about OCD like it is a bad thing. Most people talk about it like it’s a weakness.

I say it is a good thing. I say any weakness, tilted 5 degrees, becomes a strength. Stubbornness becomes resoluteness, for example.

I can resist my OCD, or I can put it to work. I choose to put it to work.

I use it as a wonderful explanation when I keep doing something that is bonehead over and over again, even tho I keep getting the same bonehead results. “Oh, that’s just my OCD kicking in—I have a mild case.” I also use it when I do something totally inappropriate—“OCD again—what can I do; can’t control it.”

I think OCD has a great place in the workplace and in family life. I actually like it when my airline pilot keeps landing the plane the same way, over and over again, without trying for a corkscrew landing or some other trick. Or when my dentist remembers without fail to apply Novocain before she drills. I like being able to count on boilerplate behavior, like knowing that someone (such as a close relative) is going to be predictably entertaining, especially when they try their hardest not to be. I like my bike mechanic to have a healthy dose of OCD. I want him (her?) to fiddle and adjust alignment and tensions again and again and again and again.

I think we all need to own our OCD and apply it to productive effort. I recently put my OCD to work in a way that I think will be totally affirmative. I did it with exercise structuring. My philosophy is—In order to keep moving, I have to keep moving. But I need a way to really lock in to the routine, and OCD serves me well.

Here’s the current drill: I do four types of exercise for a balanced OCD regimen—

-Pilates
-Free weights
-Aerobic (bicycling or walking/jogging)
-Yoga

Doing one of these once I call a unit of exercise.

I aim for 12 units a week. That’s doing each of these things 3 times a week, or 2 a day for 6 days. Sunday I take as a complete day of rest.

But starting on Monday, I count units: OCD kicks in; I have one number to pay attention to, and I see how close I can come to 12. Fun and effective! If you have OCD.

Got OCD? Comments welcome. You know what to do. Especially if you have OCD.

This is even beyond free meals (invites to dinner) and free advice (I get my fair share). I am talking real tangible stuff where you can lock yourself in your room, pull it out and look at it and say—this is my stuff!

It all started with a medical bill about a month ago, one of many this year. When I called the med office re: this bill of $42.60, they said I no longer owed it.

Then the avalanche: a free sandwich at the airport, a waitress-made lemonade from scratch, a wireless telephone headset (value $300), caulk that flows down to -30, vitamin C, chili-garlic broccoli at the deli counter (yum), a healthy discount on a new Dyson vacuum.

I was even given a free half gallon of carrot juice (try it, you’ll…think it’s interesting).

Then the nice lady at the county tax office—I went to pay the bill; they said I did not owe it. Less than $500, but more than $400.

Also recently high end bicycle gear, great socks, wonderful tulip bulbs, beautiful sets of bedding, heads of lettuce, zucchini squash, discounts on stuff just because I asked, even more. I am starting to think, “benign conspiracy”.

I have been given 3 new cars in my lifetime. Nice cars. I know which one I want next….

I recently increased my charitable giving, permanently. Trying to give away more than I receive. I am falling behind.

Trying to figure this out. Oh, if you have free stuff to give away, you know where to find me.

I told a Houston client group that I needed a new client in Portland. No offense to them, but two new G-daughters are in that city, with their mom, my only daughter and they (my girls, I call them) trump anything Houston offers.

That night I left Houston, on a jet plane of course, missed the flight by 10 minutes because of a hotel snafu, had to wait 2 hours, and ended up in one of the “last seat” situations on a cramped jet.

Plopped down next to a fine looking guy and I must have sighed as I sat—he said—“That bad, huh?” We groused about both of us missing the earlier flight by minutes, then he kept talking….I was very tired, and wanted him to stop, he apologized for talking so much, and kept talking. Explained it had been awhile since someone had lent him listening ears, and kept talking…and then things got interesting.

He was in HR for a plant in Alabama, of a company with HQ in guess where, Portland. He knew more about guns than I ever will, and more about deer hunting (on his way to Nebraska for a four day hunt) than I ever will. We both knew a lot and very little (hard knocks school) about raising kids, tho he was 10-20 years behind me.

Turned into a delightful conversation. Two hours later, we exchanged cards, I promised him I would root for the righteous team on November 5 (Bama), and I did.

Yes, I believe in the power of positive expectation…..oh, and I believe in milk not dark chocolate. And the idea that there ought to be mermaids. And Bama I suppose, but you know how that turned out if you follow football.

We will see where it all leads. Like I said, I believe in the power of positive expectation.

I find this process to be comforting and renewing. I find it to be immensely future focused. She is changing, growing; I am changing. When we get back together, we will both be changed… for the better I trust. But what we already share by way of mutual promises is unchanging. Sounds very contractual, doesn’t it? That’s because it is— a special kind of contract called a covenant.

I will drive safe, serene and at high speed four hours to this gorgeous white granite building. I will drive four hours back. I will think deep and sad and happy thoughts both ways. I will make decisions about the future. Back home, I will watch game 3 of the World Series with my youngest son and his son. But first, I will stop on the way back and eat dinner, including a huge piece of the lemon meringue pie with the tallest meringue I ever saw. Last time Lin and I were there, we had to stand on our tippy-toes when dessert came so we could see each other across the table.

Sometimes the biggest part of letting go is hanging on.

So… I’m hanging on to that tall meringue. And to those promises.

Hanging on to the right things lets us let go of the right things.

Sometimes the biggest part of letting go is hanging on. Or did I already say that?

I am now in their leased house in South Austin.

Everything is rented or new-bought and sparkling; the box that transported the Dyson vacuum from store to living room yesterday has yet to make it out to the curb.

Today we drive back to the burnt over neighborhood, where 300 of the 500 houses are now…piles of gray ash.

This will be the first visit for the children…and the last.

I will share other impressions next week, when I am more informed, but for now, a grim and disturbing topic: The Economy.

I think the key question (borrowed from a newsletter I subscribe to) for the economy is:

“How do you develop sustainable growth without having a consumer class that spends in an out of control manner?”

But it is possible that is not the key question. What do you think the key question is?

Or…you can respond to my perpetual invitation:

PERPETUAL INVITATION
This is a “share good news and encouragement, leadership and life balance” Blog. It is designed to be an oasis of calm and positivity in an otherwise challenging and sometimes frantic sandstorm of earthly activity.

Click on “leave a comment” to share your thoughts, for example:
• Who has inspired you recently, or earlier in your life?
• What small act of courage showed up in your life?
• What is a personal philosophy that has served you well?
• What new activity are you engaged in that you enjoy or that makes a difference in your life?
• What made you smile recently?
• What do you notice that is good in humanity?
• Who is someone you know who is making a difference?

Your sharing literally brings more light into the world.

Paul was referring to the Refiner’s Fire, of course, not the fires in Bastrop, Texas last week that left my oldest son’s house as a smoky gray smudge upon the ground. Or was he?

Every fire, flood or severe storm creates what I call a “clearing”, sometimes literally. Into that clearing come emotions, words, actions and outcomes. What will come into this clearing? What sort of man is Austin?

Here are some snatches of comments lifted from Austin’s Facebook page:

“We are all well and feeling blessed.
Thanks everyone for the outpouring of well wishes and offers of help. We were well insured and already have received money from the insurance company to cover the basics we need. I know there are many families not as fortunate as we were. If people are able please donate to help them.
I would like to thank everyone for the overwhelming offers of help and support. Everyone has just been wonderful. Right now we really don’t know what we might need. Many of our neighbors are in much worse shape than us so any donation to the efforts taking place in Bastrop will help more people than us.

We have been truly blessed to know so many great people. Thank you will never be able to express our true gratitude.”

I am overjoyed of course that everyone is safe (and so is his bicycle, as he was at a bicycle race at the time of the evacuation).

We can’t control what happens to us, only our attitude towards what happens to us, and our consequent actions. Austin’s attitude came through in one thing he said in a recent conversation with him—“What a marvelous opportunity to start anew”!

Based on Austin’s attitude, something positive and permanent (as much permanence as this life allows, anyway) will be built upon the ashes of this new clearing. His is the smudge on the corner.

He has started a Blog about the path now and forward–

http://austin86ed.blogspot.com/2011/09/2011-has-been-bit-of-bad-year.html#more

I just had one.

I finished the manuscript for my book Welcoming Change: Making the Most of Tough Times, just in time for the really tough times to hit America, the world at large, and especially my family— just as Lin was diagnosed and began the cancer challenge. I did not touch it again nor try to send it to publishers until now.

It took 14 months of 4:30 to 6:45 AM typing to finish it. Now, 16 months later, I have decided it is time to send it on the next leg of its journey.

I am soon to finish the book proposal that will assault the temples of the lucky publishers, so they can send it on its next leg, and salt the personal development buffet with a new energy— the energy of personal change resilience.

Yes, I did apply the principles in the book as I grappled with my own major change.

9 others have “test-driven” the entire book. They were my trusted test drivers, recruited via Facebook and by my own devices.

The 16 principles of Personal Change Resilience are:

o Embrace change
o Embrace the law of the harvest
o Embrace positive stress
o Embrace stewardship
o Magnify empowering life assumptions
o Magnify self-esteem
o Exert intentionality
o Drive closure
o Create fulfillment structures
o Invent projects
o Learn constantly
o Pursue personal talent
o Nurture positive relationships
o Reframe bad/good
o Cultivate humor
o Create threads of stability

So that’s what’s beginning with me. What’s beginning with you? Some inspiration in the form of Nina Lee Walker, another Lin namesake, and another example of a beginning at the bottom of this post.

PERPETUAL INVITATION
This is a “share good news and encouragement, leadership and life balance” Blog. It is designed to be an oasis of calm and positivity in an otherwise challenging and sometimes pessimistic swirl of daily activity.

Please click on “leave a comment” and share your thoughts, for example:
• What happened recently that was a positive for you?
• Who has inspired you recently, or even a long time ago?
• What small act of courage showed up in your life?
• What is a personal philosophy that has served you well?
• What new activity are you engaged in that makes a difference in your life?
• What made you smile today?
• What do you notice that is good in humanity?
• Who is someone you know who is making a difference?
Your sharing brings more light into the world.

Go to this post to see examples of what others have shared on this Blog:

http://walkerswalkabout.wordpress.com/2009/12/26/what-i-want-for-christmas-next-year/